The Center City Groper looks like a Smurf
I KNOW, I KNOW there is nothing funny about an armed man stalking women in or near Center City and then fondling their feet at gunpoint, but you've got to admit that from a tabloid newspaperman's sensibilities, the story's got legs. First of all, the notion of a gun-toting toe-tickler is a relief from the grim slaughter that usually accompanies firearms, not to mention crimes of sexual violence.
And besides that, the Philadelphia police composite sketch of the Center City Groper looks like a smurf wearing an acorn hat. I actually saw a guy in a knit cap who resembled the Groper sketch in a West Philly bar Wednesday night, where his friends among fellow patrons started teasing him with the nickname "Footsy." That sketch is going to do more to discourage short black males from wearing knit caps than the Unabomber sketch did to discourage white males from wearing sunglasses with a hoodie.
Imagine the special place among the nine circles of prison hell reserved for foot fetishists serving hard time for heel hugging. Ever hear of "toe jam football?l" It ain't pretty.
