When my father died in 1983, my brother Bill was a pall bearer along with my son Danny, who was 12, and who turned to my big brother and said, "Pop Pop's heavy." My brother and I shared a look with each other. If he only knew, we thought. Pop Pop was heavy, all right. He ain't heavy is what brothers say about each other.

My big brother Bill died on a Monday morning one year ago tomorrow. My little brother Doug died 35 years ago this Wednesday. I remember I kept saying, "No. no. no." to the people bringing the news my brother was dead, along with his girlfriend Susie, and everyone else aboard the sight-seeing plane that crashed into a mountain in Venezula. My brother Bill died in his bedroom in Beach Haven, where he collapsed after showering. Both of them were there one minute and gone the next.

Both times I raged, raged, against the dying of the light.

I learned so much about what was important from the death of my brother Doug. And wouldn't you know everything I wanted to say to Doug I never told my brother Bill. After more than 30 years to think about it.

If there is anything I know about brothers, after being one all my life, is that brothers are nitwits. Magnificent, loyal, heroic, but nitwits. They never think to tell each other the unspoken things that must be said, because, who will if they won't?

Pride has probably destroyed more brotherships than anger or envy or fatigue. You have no idea of how prideful a brother can be when in mortal combat for his birth right, his self respect, with one of his own. How unforgiving. Every punch, real, verbal or metaphorical packs a wallop, as if a brother reached down into China to grab hold of that righteous anger and then swung it with all his might.

I guess what I'm saying is, forgive your brother, whoever he or she is. Lose the pride, pick up the phone, be the one who knocks, be the bigger man. You may find a bigger man at the other end if you give him the opportunity. If not, so what? You gave it your best shot.. And you'll never regret that. If you get along great with your brothers, next time you see one, give him a big hug and kiss him square on the lips. And if he objects, tell him Clark says he's a big fruit.