Jim? Did someone just call my name?
TRUE LIFE CONVERSATION between a bartender and her customer:
SARAH: (Not that Sara) "Oh I almost forgot. Here's an invitation to our Christmas party."
CLARK: (Reading aloud the first five words of the invitation.) "'Christmas Eve at the Eisensteins.'" (Pause). Sarah, I believe this may be the first invitation in the history of mankind the begins, 'Christmas Eve at the Eisensteins.'"
SARAH: "No, that's this year's."
CLARK: Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, I'm just saying. . . '
SARAH: Birthdays! Bella's gonna be four. Gigi's second Christmas. . .
CLARK: (Reading aloud) "Feast of the Seven Fishes." (Pausing for effect.) "Shouldn't that be fish? Rather than fishes?
SARAH: (Laughs supportively) What?
CLARK: "Fish. Shouldn't it be 'fish' rather than 'fishes'? The singular of fish is fish. The plural of fish is fish. There are millions of fish in the sea and a single fish on your plate is called the same thing as a million of them. One potato, two potato, three potato fish"
SARAH: "Um. . .I think I have to. . ."
CLARK: "But seven! Seven is no accident. Seven is not about fish. These are seven individual species of fish. So technichally, 'fishes' is correct. Collectively and specifically but not necessarily accurately.
SARAH: "You know who would really enjoy talking about this? And he just walked in. . .Oh, Jim!"
CLARK: "And since when is calimari a fish? Shouldn't it be the Feast of the Seven Seafoods? And why are there always more than seven dishes? Usually nine or thirteen. The menu ends up sounding like Bubba telling Forrest Gump all the ways you can cook shrimp. 'You got your shrimp kabob. . .' Shrimp, incidently, is another non-fish. You can't even find seven real fish in the feast. Dried cod is as close as you come to a real fish, unless you count anchovies and sardines. And what's a smelt. anyway? Have you ever smelt a smelt? Everything else is clams, oysters and scungilli. And don't forget the eels!
SARAH: "Can I see that invitation for a sec?"
CLARK: "Sure. What is there, a typo? Sarah? Hey, where are you going? Sarah!?"
